Nearly Two Years Ago…

For the better part of two years I have had this blog. There are some bits of sensitive information about me that are written here as well as some lessons I have learned. However, like every other human being, I am imperfect. This is a post about my goals that I have competed, failed, and those that remain unclear. In good form, I’ll start with the negative!

The Failures

I haven’t kept up my blog. It isn’t that I haven’t been able to, looking back on an average day I waste hours doing nothing constructive. I work, but I don’t work so much I can’t crank out a few sentences. I go to school, but I don’t go for so long that I can’t read my subscriptions. This is a character flaw, one that I am still struggling to overcome.

I haven’t kept up my physical fitness. I joined a gym at the end of spring called Fitness USA. I went regularly and even got a personal trainer there for nearly three months. At that point, this particular location shut down and I was transferred to another gym. Since then I haven’t had the motivation to use this new place near as much. This is me being a baby. There is no excuse. I will work to correct this immediately.

The Success

So far I have stayed in school for what is just over a full year now. I have been working to help pay for college as well as using my loans. This is something I had never seen myself doing until just a year ago. I’m proud of myself no matter how horrible of a student I am. I am succeeding and getting on track.

I have also kept my friends close. While some have moved away for the time being, we always make best of what time we have together. My group of friends is close knit and I am all too thankful for this, we have helped each other so much over the years. While I have let some get distanced, I don’t plan to keep it like that. Everyone is important to me and I won’t let go.

What About This Unclear Business?

Oh I’ll let you know about this business. While I have been at work in college, I still can’t decide between two career choices. The side of me I don’t like so much keeps pushing for a license in nursing. This is a logical decision as the nursing field would treat me with preference, I’d be working with lots of women (smileyface), and the money would be much better.

However, what I truly feel I would enjoy and appreciate is social work. One thing that has always stuck with me since I was a teen is that I want to give back. I want to be able to help people, children in particular. While these times are possibly the most confusing and hardest for any child, there are some that have truly desperate situations. I want to be able to help. Every time I battle this in my head social work comes out on top. I need to make the change now. This is a struggle for many people.

“Am I supposed to work to make a living?”

“Is the money truly worth it?”

“How would I live off of such a low salary?”

Actually, writing it out is therapeutic because I feel that this next statement truly shows what I feel. I never thought of this before but what if…

“I enjoy what I do regardless of money. I help other people enjoy their lives. I don’t live off of the money I make, I live off of the joy I create. I work for the people.”

That’s what I hear inside me.

Until next time.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award, Ya Hear?

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So after putting up the first draft of my memoir, here, I received two comments that upon seeing, delighted my heart like it hasn’t been in a long while. Despite not being a regular poster because I am far too liable to take the easy road and relax after my work and classes are finished, these fine people have nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger award. I’m completely certain they both deserve it more than me, as well as most others do.

Seeing as how I got two nominations(seriously, how?) before posting, I’ll link to them both.

The first blog is Inspiring The Girls written by a new adult, Michelle. With her aim to empower the girls of her generation, she is doing a fine job so far and staying plucky and upbeat with her posts. The better part, even though her aim is the girls of her generation, that is not exclusive; it applies to most people.

The second is Finding Happiness as a 20something, written by Meghan. While I haven’t had the chance to fully peruse her blog due to how in depth she gets on her posts, it is all very critical, objective, good advice for someone of any age. Though older, more mature people may have already learned these things. I wish her luck on her writing adventures, and to myself on getting the time to read all her posts.

Now to the point of this post…

I don’t accept the nomination and I won’t be doing it. I don’t write often enough and when I do I am hardly satisfied with my work. I cannot lie and say I’ll post more, as well as with better content. What I can say though is I am very humbled that anyone would think highly of what I’ve done and I am grateful for the chance to be mentioned as well as(hopefully) helping someone out. So what I will do is post links to a few fellow WordPress blogs that I frequent and help inspire me in my day to day life.

http://morningstoryanddilbert.wordpress.com/ – A blog with daily posts all providing a Dilbert comic and a great story to kickstart your day, or end it nicely.

http://hikingphoto.com/ – A blog for Patrick Latter Photography. He has great shots and I plan to buy from him, but until then the photos he takes remind me of art appreciation and allow me my moments of serenity.

http://withanopenheart.org/ – Nina Shadi is on to something here. The Awakened Heart Project is one of the best things I have encountered on WordPress. Follow it and read up whether you have time or not!

I appreciate the recognition and if I were anymore regular, I’d have followed through with the rules of being nominated. As it stands though, I’d have to throw some blogs out of nowhere to complete the nomination. Not everyone deserves it and I won’t lie about it. Keep your eyes open though, I will have new material here soon!

A Source of Distress

There are times in my life where I think I’m the same as everyone else. There are also times in my life where I feel like I’m alone and scared and helpless. It is that second set of feelings where I believe I am truly like everyone else in this world. I know we can’t all have ourselves together, no one is always happy, we all have our trials and tribulations. There is always one thought that creeps in my head, day to day… The trick is though, it only creeps in when I forget the answer.

The answer can change and it can stay the same. All of us have an answer, for if we didn’t we would already be dead. I broke down a little tonight because I forgot my answer. Now that I remember, I am ashamed of myself. All I know is that this is an everyday occurrence for me, and I truly hope it isn’t like that for everyone else. It is a heart draining struggle.

 

You must be tired of me talking about this though, so I’ll let you have it. Friends…the question we always need to hold tight our answer for is this. What are you fighting for? Living for? Striving for?

Don’t forget your answer…and don’t stop asking yourself whether or not it is the right answer.

Become a Friend to Yourself

” How many mistakes do I have to learn from until I become anything more than a failure?”

This is a real thought that went through my mind just today. There was nothing horrible that happened, there was no one hounding me, and there was no legitimate reason for such a harsh remark to cross my mind. Fortunately, I was able to catch this and think about it today. This led me to an unfortunate discovery though, thanks completely to a beautifully crafted post by Marc, here. That discovery being that this is a daily occurrence. This thought in particular is fairly tame, and there are many more that come every day.

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Inhibitions

There are a few things you can take away from watching or helping someone watch children; aside from a handful of ibuprofen that is. When you are growing, you start soaking up knowledge whether you like it or not, you grow. We all know this. We never lose this ability. There is something we gain though, after growing past a certain point, and it has it’s down side.

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World Suicide Prevention Day

In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day, I’ll do a short post for those like me. Those with a stunted confidence, those who battle depression. Not everyone has been at a point where they thought death was an actual, conceivable option. Where dying would be better than living your life. That being said, there are many people who have been there, and it is scary.

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